A recent breakfast brought me face to face with a grand mystery, a maddening enigma, a real head-scratcher. Glenview Farms Non-Dairy Creamer is labeled with an immediate warning: "Contains: MILK." Now... I probably don't need to continue... but I will. It also says: "Not labeled for individual sale"—so assuming you are considering putting this product into your coffee, you are now on your own. If you are lactose intolerant, can or can't you put it in your coffee? Is it kosher or not? Well, it contains milk, it gives you that, at least. For the gluten-intolerant, like me, you are not able to determine if it contains certain wheat-derived items, which is why I usually avoid non-dairy creamer (besides the fact that it tastes like shit). Besides milk, what does this particular "non-dairy" creamer contain?
The next question is, naturally, if it IS non-dairy, how can it contain milk? Could that mean other kinds of milk? Soy milk, rice milk, coconut milk, Milk of Magnesia? Or maybe it's human mother's milk... would that be considered non-dairy? And is that something we want to consider? It's printed in all caps, so maybe it's an acronym? Moments of Intimacy, Laughter, and Kinship? But how would they get that into that little container. And why?
Perhaps the major clue is the company name, "Glenview Farms," in a down-home kind of font... but then below: Distributed by US Foods, Inc., Rosemont, IL. You know that there is no quaint little Glenview Farm with happy cows and milkmaids. This is serious, hardcore factory farming, and US Foods is one of the largest food distributors in the country. Even more ominous, their headquarters address is Rosement, Illinois, which is a part of Chicago, bordering on O'Hare Airport runways. Rosemont consists of some random, hideous structures surrounded by surface parking lots, all under a massive tangle of freeway interchanges—a place that has been called, with good reason, "The Asshole of the World." I guess I'll drink my coffee black.
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